Being lost in the woods. I can’t even count how often it happened so far: the time of day is totally irrelevant, the kind of trees growing there is irrelevant… Being lost in the woods plays a big role in my inner world.
My most intense dreams lead me down uncertain forest paths, without breadcrumbs or a read thread to help me get out again. And there is always something I am running from, someone or something chasing me.
As I run, jumping evergreen shrubs, dodging the branches of small trees my heart jumps up into my throat, beating loud enough to block every other sound around me. I don’t really know where I need to go, but I need to get away quickly. Next to my footprints on the mushy forest ground are always those of someone else. I never flee alone…
Grabbing the stranger by the hand, pulling him forward: “Faster!” I die. I die if I stop. We die if we stop. We will end. We will disappear.
Last time he was further away. He ran in front of me. Last time my legs were stiff and I felt like a puppet. Struggling, tumbling, … my movements didn’t flow. Struggling down a hill lines with strange totems made out of sticks and red ribbons, passing red lace ribbon dangling from tree branches too, sliding off a cliff… grabbing the ledge out of pure luck.
This time I force us to run past the city walls as fast as lightning and to jump the last stone fences; behind us a cacophony of screams, metal brushing against metal, hounds barking violently. It still smells like rain and grass and leaves are still wet. We have been here before. We have been here three times. We are stuck… in a time loop.
Fleeing from the people that kept us in a cellar, dark, moldy, cold, trying to take something important from us: something we could best call “magic”. It’s our secret. Fizzling fuel running through our bodies. Bright sigils and desperate curses.
“Down here!” We can’t hide from dog noses, we must get down the hill and reach the water. “Don’t let go of my hand!” I love you so much. More than myself. I must get you to safety. I would even stop the time, rewind … over and over… just to avoid seeing you bleed. That is what’s happening right? The moment you are hurt we start over again.
But it doesn’t matter what I do: it always ends in tragedy.
So will we be stuck for all eternity, because I can’t let go of our connection, your hand in mind, our two energies singing in total sync? Will we?