I Want To Write, Dream And Never Wake Up Again

Depression has been holding my hand as long as I can think. Or maybe I shouldn’t call it depression, because if you suffer from a deep depression you aren’t able to function, right? I mean: I have acquaintances that are clinically depressed and I can say that I’m still far away from feeling that empty and… done with all the shit. I have always been able to function. Maybe because I’m a stubborn bitch; maybe because I can kill every feeling on will and just go on doing what I do, if the situation calls for it.

OK, let’s not offend anyone by calling it depression, let’s just say I am a person that is very, very gloomy and also chronically bored. I subconsciously block myself from experiencing everything all at once. Life is like a cake, I can only eat one slice at a time. If I have to work and be productive I can’t be social. If I have to be emotional and feel things I can’t be logical and the other way around.

Also I hate and love myself at the same time. I think I am perfect and I think I am totally deranged,… both. I thought that this would stop once I outgrow puberty. What should I say: I am turning 30 in a month. So…

I stand brave and would kill for the things that are important to me. I would never give up, even if I already hold the white flag in one hand, crying hysterically at all times… It is exhausting. It makes me so tired.

I am so over it. 

I want to do something worthwhile … 
I want to not worry about all the unimportant shit that life throws at me,…

I am so over it.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *