The Deeper the Darker

The deeper I dig the darker and colder it gets – the colder I get.
No, cold is not the right word, since something cool is soothing and empty of sorts. It feels more like an inflamation, but it’s also not rage nor pure hatered, but a desperate aggression and despair searching for a vent.
This always happens as soon as I pull at the top layer of reality – first sadness mixed with suspense; then this. It happened years ago at the Archangel Bar and drove a lot of good souls away from me. It happens everytime I beath more than air and I can not blame anyone, as this state of mine is hard to understand and hard to not feel overwhelming. It is as ambivalent as each and every other state I’m ever in, but it seems destuctive, makes me keep an antisocial distance to everything else and makes me focus on only way to hot emotions.

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